Essex


<p>The end of a relationship is painful at any time of year, but the pressure to immerse yourself in family gatherings and seeing friends when your heart&#8217;s breaking makes it feel particularly brutal. Need help? Here&#8217;s some top tips from Chelmsford mental health expert Patrick Regan OBE, author of&nbsp;<em><a href="https://spckpublishing.co.uk/brighter-days" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Brighter Days: 12 Steps to Strengthening Your Wellbeing</a></em>.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-let-yourself-grieve-and-feel-all-your-feelings"><strong>Let yourself grieve – and feel all your feelings</strong></h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/5-2.jpg" alt="Woman looking out to sea Christmas break-up" class="wp-image-15111" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/5-2.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/5-2-800x533.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/5-2-768x511.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/5-2-788x525.jpg 788w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>&#8220;Experiencing a break-up at any time of year can often feel similar to grieving a death. Although the person you&#8217;re no longer dating is still there physically, you grieve the loss of their presence in your life, as well as the future you may have imagined with them.&nbsp;My biggest piece of advice? Even though commercialised happiness is everywhere, it&#8217;s truly OK <em>not</em> to feel OK. Rather than fighting your feelings, allow your emotions to simply be there. When they feel particularly overwhelming, imagine allowing them to wash over you like waves, without resisting. Eventually, you will find their intensity fades.&#8221;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-journal-your-emotions">Journal your emotions</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/3-2.jpg" alt="Write a journal when having a Christmas break-up" class="wp-image-15112" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/3-2.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/3-2-800x533.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/3-2-768x511.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/3-2-788x525.jpg 788w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>&#8220;Journals are great places to write unfiltered if going through a break-up. When speaking to friends or family you can worry you’re talking for too long, repeating yourself or being negative. In a journal you&#8217;re free to express without filters and without putting on a brave face. Don’t feel you have to make sense or write beautiful prose – it’s just for your benefit. Likewise, write for however long suits. As little as a few minutes can make a difference, but you might find it’s helpful to write for longer. Also, give yourself space before you go back to everyday life after writing, as it can bring up raw emotions and you don’t want to have to rush.&#8221; </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-ask-for-help">Ask for help</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/2-2.jpg" alt="Group support Christmas break-up" class="wp-image-15113" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/2-2.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/2-2-800x533.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/2-2-768x511.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/2-2-788x525.jpg 788w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>&#8220;There are support groups for many types of grief, and having peers who experience something similar can offer comfort. These are places where you are able to share feelings without worrying about being a burden or being judged. Many who attend these groups also say they make them feel less lonely and give them space to be honest. They can also help to improve your coping skills and restore hope. When there you are also free to get specific. Do you feel sadness, guilt, anger, betrayal, worry, numbness, gratitude, regret, jealousy, relief, resentment and/or calmness? Here you are able to name as many emotions as you can.&#8221;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-look-to-the-future">Look to the future</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/6-2.jpg" alt="Women hugging Christmas break-up" class="wp-image-15114" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/6-2.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/6-2-800x533.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/6-2-768x511.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/6-2-788x525.jpg 788w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>&#8220;Break-ups can make us feel hopeless at times. No matter how long or short the relationship was, when it ends you can feel as if you&#8217;ve been plunged into darkness. But when it feels like brighter days will never appear, my advice is to stop looking for the end of the tunnel. Instead, look for the light all around you. It could be friends or family who love you, or a mental health charity with a helpline you can call. It could even be the simple warmth of a pet who needs you. Sometimes, the best way to cope is to focus on getting through the next hour, then the next hour, holding on to the light around you, not just waiting for the dark time to end.&#8221;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-be-kind-to-your-body-and-mind">Be kind to your body and mind</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/4-2.jpg" alt="Woman exercising running " class="wp-image-15115" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/4-2.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/4-2-800x533.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/4-2-768x511.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/4-2-788x525.jpg 788w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>&#8220;Now&#8217;s the time to look after your body and connect with others. Exercise regularly, keeping yourself mobile to increase energy levels, diminish stress and boost mood. Don’t feel you need to spend hours doing something you hate. Find an activity you enjoy and do it, even if it’s only for five minutes a day. You should also plan ahead. When you’re going through a Christmas break-up and are struggling with your emotions, your mind can often tell you not to plan things because your presence might stop other people enjoying themselves. Don’t listen! Go ahead and book something you love doing regardless, as it will always give you a lift.&#8221;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-enjoy-a-good-night-s-sleep">Enjoy a good night&#8217;s sleep</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/1-2.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-15116" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/1-2.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/1-2-800x533.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/1-2-768x511.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/essex/wp-content/uploads/sites/22/2023/12/1-2-788x525.jpg 788w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>&#8220;Struggling to sleep is common after a break-up and is frustrating as you toss and turn. So, if you can’t sleep after 20 minutes, get up and do something else, as long as it&#8217;s not too stimulating. Make a non-caffeinated drink, read a book, listen to calming music and then head back to bed when you feel sleepy. When in bed, close your eyes and picture a walk you’ve done many times. Mentally take yourself on that walk, noticing all the detail you can from the moment you put on your shoes and leave the house, through to the sounds and smells. Keep doing the same mental walk each night, and your mind will begin to associate it with relaxation and going to sleep.&#8221;</p>


“It’s not you, it’s me” – An Essex pro on surviving a break-up

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